Whoever told you that growth is NOT painful lied!!!
I find myself in this season of life confused, healing, hurt, emotional, and embarrassed. Yet, I am still walking this walk. I am learning to think about “I” less and Christ more as I am on a journey that I don’t quite understand. I have spent the past few decades reeling from pain induced by childhood trauma. The way I chose to deal with this pain did not include the healthiest choices: promiscuity, anger, drunkenness, selfishness, and more… all while pretending that I was okay.
As of late, I have begun healing, which looks like crying, reading, affirmations, and deep breaths to continually regulate a nervous system that I didn’t realize needed regulating. Through it all, God has been by my side, helping and pushing me along. However, I have often questioned His presence, my purpose, and the reasoning behind the pain. That’s where I am trying to get beside myself and more into His presence.
However hard it is to admit, this life is not our own, and it is already planned. Letting go and learning to rest in that is something that I currently am having to do. My shoulders are tense, I have consistent headaches, and I’m grinding my teeth at night—all because, subconsciously, I do not want to let go of control. Simply because that means you don’t know what’s next or what you will have to brace for. At this time, I am choosing to renew my mind while looking to the hills, for there is where my help comes from.
God says to renew your mind with truth so that you don’t believe the lies of the enemy. We have to fight through our battles and overcome in every season. This season just looks a little different for me, as I am simply becoming.
Leave a comment