Month after month, cycle after cycle… I long for the opportunity to find out that I am pregnant. When I was younger, I wanted three children, the white picket fence, and a loving home. As I have grown older and realized that my life is not my own, those dreams have switched to, “Maybe just one child is fine, and any house will do!”
I find myself constantly battling between what I know and what I want. You’re supposed to hope for things that you don’t yet see and expect the outcome that you desire. I have prayed, cried, prayed more, and cried until I didn’t have the tears left. My husband has prayed for our child, and we have hope. However, with each passing month and menstrual cycle, that hope tends to waver. Then I question… Were those dreams promises? Will I have children? Why aren’t You blessing our union? Have I done something wrong? Is this man my child’s father, or did I choose wrong?
I thought maybe beginning my healing journey would help, and it has. However, the facts still remain true. I don’t yet have what I most desire, and it truly sucks. I love the Lord, and I know He has plans for my life. I just don’t know if those plans include children of my own, and I’m just not ready to cope with that if it is the case.
I am simply becoming …
Women have struggled with infertility in the Bible…
Sarah
— Genesis 11:30; Genesis 16:1; Genesis 21:1–2; Hebrews 11:11
Rebekah
— Genesis 25:21
Rachel
— Genesis 29:31; Genesis 30:1–2; Genesis 30:22–24
Manoah’s Wife (Samson’s Mother)
— Judges 13:2–3
Hannah
— 1 Samuel 1:5–11; 1 Samuel 1:27
The Shunammite Woman
— 2 Kings 4:14–17
Elisabeth
— Luke 1:7; Luke 1:36–37
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